Waking up and seeing the date of October 15 on my phone is a mix of emotions.
My heart beats in gratitude yet there’s that familiar twinge of pain deep in the pit of my stomach.
Today I celebrate. Today I grieve.
Today is Pregnancy (And Infant) Loss Awareness Day.
Miscarriage Awareness Day
I’ve decided to talk miscarriage awareness here. After all, loss is part of my journey to motherhood. The experience continues to define wellness in my life. And it’s transformed me into who I am today.
I’ll never forget that feeling of finding out that there is a day set aside to remember miscarriages.
I scrolled through hashtags such as #waveoflight and #PAILAwareness and felt hope, understood, and even normalcy in that moment.
Talk about the beautiful, positive power of social media (and in hind sight, it helped paved the way to this blog).
Not only could I acknowledge my babies but I was connected with a community of others that could relate.
As comforting as it was, I also experienced anger.
Anger that miscarriages are not talked about more.
There I was a NURSE. In maternal child services. And I was so clueless and stunned by what I had experienced with pregnancy loss.
I vowed I’d always bring awareness to the issue when possible.
So today, I want to break the silence. And offer easy ways to commemorate those precious souls in heaven.
Five Things to Know about Miscarriage
- They are common– March of Dimes estimates that 10-15% of pregnancy ends in miscarriage but many studies show that the number is closer to 25% . If you think of a handful of friends, it’s likely one will experience this. They will join the “1 in 4” club.
- Not all are the same–some women experience a miscarriage when the body shows symptoms and is able to pass the tissue on their own.
However, did you know that a body can actually fail to recognize the loss?
One doesn’t know until a highly anticipated routine appointment reveals a quiet screen and the words “I’m sorry.”
Let me tell ya, you walk out of that appointment forever changed.
And you fight to trust your body again.
Options such as time, medicine, or surgery are offered to get rid of everything. The surgery, most commonly a D&C, is a process within itself that evokes so many more emotions.
And while many women recover quickly, complications are possible.
No one told me that tissue can be left behind and cause excruciating pain and contractions, low blood pressure, and heavy blood loss, and you wind up right back at the hospital. Just to endure the process again.
Okay, that may not be the typical outcome. But it was my story.
3. There’s so much more to it— Once the actual miscarriage happens, it’s just the beginning. The beginning of:
- More doctor appointments
- more ultrasounds
- more lab draws
and WAITING.
And for some– the beginning of a road to referrals and specialists, no answers, medicines and bearing the weight.
The suffocating weight of having your lifelong dream of being a mother ripped out right from under you.
It’s also the beginning of constant reminders.
Inevitably, friends and family and everyone on Facebook will be announcing pregnancies. The baby section at Target turns into a maze with no exit. And you’re always seated next to the pregnant lady. Always.
4. Pregnancy after loss is the ultimate test of faith– Yes, hearing the words ‘pregnant’ bring so much excitement and relief. However, you have to fight for joy every day.
Fear is battling to takeover, and you beg for any sign of reassurance.
A sigh of relief is felt at 12 weeks but yet until that baby is born crying and moving (and with a full newborn assessment because you’re a pediatric nurse), it may be hard to fully accept the pregnancy.
Hebrews 11:1 will be your lifeline.
5. Grief is real— Like any loss, every day is different. Triggers are unexpected and emotions have no timeline. Support is needed and normal. It’s okay to seek out resources, counseling, and/or support groups. In fact, I highly recommend it.
And lastly, here’s something else you may not know:
it does get easier.
Yes, even if you’re reading this and you’re in the very thick of it.
I remember laughing and almost screaming at the person who first told me that.
But she was right.
There is purpose in the wait, the pain and the plan.
And that makes it bearable.
Ways to remember your baby:
Remembering the loss is important. Here’s a couple ways you can commemorate your baby or help a friend celebrate that short but meaningful life.
- Pray to your baby and for your baby
- Plant a tree
- Talk about baby/loss (though know it’s okay if you don’t )
- Attend a memorial or mass (Mass of Innocents is one example)
- Support someone else going through a miscarriage
- Purchase or make an ornament
- Journal
- Donate to an organization
- Post on social media/write a blog post (even if it’s 6 years later 😉
And tonight at 7pm, please join me and so many others as we light a candle and create the “wave of light.”
*I’d love for you to know ways you honor loss. And if you’re willing, is there anything you wish people knew about miscarriages? My hope is that everyone feels supported and for you to know that you are not alone. Praying for you.
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